Murder at the Multiplex

this tom cruise shit is amazing!!!

2011-11-16T19:52:00.000-08:00

u ain't got to lie craig, u ain't got to lie...

2011-11-09T18:52:00.001-08:00

GHOSTFACE KILLAH'S FIRST INDUCTEE INTO THE SOFT NIGGA HALL OF FAME IS.....

2011-11-09T18:48:00.000-08:00

DRAKE FACE....duh

BAMMA ALERTS!!!!

2011-09-06T15:03:00.000-07:00

2011-08-29T22:02:00.001-07:00

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

2011-08-26T10:59:00.000-07:00

AND THE BEST DAMN LIVE IN HOUSEKEEPER/ SEX SLAVE FROM NANTUCKET I EVER HAD

lezzie couple of the year!

2011-08-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

my new obsession....

2011-08-20T22:09:00.001-07:00

lionhead rabbits!!! i wane it!

my heart....

2011-08-18T20:51:00.000-07:00

how i feel on xanax....

2011-08-15T20:07:00.000-07:00

chunky pam

2011-08-14T18:20:00.001-07:00

BITCH I'M AWAKE NOW

2011-08-02T09:45:00.000-07:00

waited on a line of greens and blues

2011-08-01T21:50:00.001-07:00

i can't believe I have yet to be serenaded with this.

Mr. Big - To Be With You
Get More: Mr. Big - To Be With You

Fatty on the athletic tip...

2011-07-24T16:52:00.000-07:00

OPERATION REPO -- my new fav show!

2011-06-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

BAMMAS OF THE WEEK!

2011-06-29T21:36:00.000-07:00

saw these 2 dudes huggin on each other at the bar las nite. mr sleepy ass bamma and mr bangs all curled bamma.

BLOND SURFER GUY ON TMZ AKA THE ONLY REASON I WATCH TMZ

2011-06-29T20:59:00.000-07:00

It ain't for Harvey Levin and his forever 21 shirts. God Bless you blond surfer dude- whos name I realized is Max Hodges. You are a beautiful man, and I wish I could sit in that office with you all day and all night.

XOXO
MRS TOON

mrs toons online dating pics of the weak

2011-06-29T20:39:00.001-07:00

Sorry I slacked off. Life sucks giant asshole. But I also met a super dope dude of this online bulshit. He rocks. These dudes rock for making me laugh though. Give it up for NYC's most eligible freaks of nature!

ashley stop picking your nose and post on this shit again

2011-06-29T20:34:00.000-07:00

Or else I kick you out your own house like Tami did to David

IT WASNT NOT FUNNY

TAMI ALL DAY EVERYDAY

WHAT THEY SHOULD HAVE MADE US READ IN WEST POTOMAC

2011-06-23T18:53:00.000-07:00

But alas this book wasn't written yet when I was stupid teenager in the 90's with hopes and dreams.
So I had to learn the hard way like everyone that life after college sucks gigantic asshole and I will always be poor and miserable.

My friend Jay just wrote a book. He is a wise and wonderfully bitter man who also learned that life sucks gigantic balls. I used to be a big fan of his music when I was an underground hip hop nerd in college. Then I moved to NYC and ended up meeting him at a party the same night Ashley got her ass beat to a bloody pulp. We bonded over our hatred of people. Then one day his car got broken into outside of me and ashleys shitty apt in Bushwick and his project pat CD and tape deck got jacked to top it off. And then he made a song about it.

But all that aside peep this and def buy yourself a copy of "ROOT FOR THE VILLAIN: RAP, BULLSHIT, AND A CELEBRATION OF FAILURE"
by muthafuckin J-Zone

http://www.govillaingo.com/

I'll be publishing my first book, Root for the Villain: Rap, Bullshit, and a Celebration of Failure, this fall. Those who dug my grumpy old man tirades and general lampoonery from years past might enjoy this collection of curmudgeonly rants, hip-hop-inspired memoirs, humorous outlooks on failure, and think pieces on the general stupidity of the world at large in 2011.

If you:

• are over 30
• are a native New Yorker
• often wonder if men are the new women
• feel it's perfectly acceptable to wear a clip-on tie with Master P's face on it to a corporate job interview
• have a college degree that got you two choices in the real world: the broom or the mop
• had the opportunity to work with the legendary musical heroes of your childhood, then your broke ass got sued by one of them for copyright infringement
• stuck a fork in dating in America and are now looking into blow-up dolls due to their low maintenance, low noise level, and low cost (an air-body beats an airhead)
• were robbed for a fake gold chain in the early '90s
• had a music career that kind of went kaput, so you were forced to get a "real" job and fall back into "real world" protocol. It was then you learned that the hip-hop 401k does not exist. Better yet, nothing exists. The Baby Boomers took it all
• are sick of "couple accounts" on Facebook (Fellas, if you allow your girl to create one page for the both of you, her dick is bigger than yours. Furthermore, anyone over the age of 21 trying to "poke" me will be attacked with a Wiffle ball bat)
• still use a Walkman and collect records
• live with your hostile 87-year-old grandmother who passes gas 24/7, leaves her dentures on your bathroom sink, and disrupts pimpin' at the house
• were a hip-hop kid of the '90s and/or enjoy nostalgic music business stories from that era
• plan on entering the music business and want to read true accounts of how utterly dysfunctional and useless most of the people in it are
• are sick of hearing all this bourgeois "Eat, Pray, Love" bullshit on dates. I want NYC's crime rate to return to the 1990 statistics for a week; then you'll really be praying to travel someplace expensive to "find yourself". Shut the fuck up and stop whining
• hate incessant texting, emoticons, internet lingo from grown ass men and women (ROTFL, OMG and similar dreck), "Gadget Hoes", "Flash Hoes", and "Cosmo Hoes". (Note: If you come to the club solely to text all night or to ask me to take a picture of you and your raggedy bird-ass friends holding drinks, those last three terms apply to you)
• are a curmudgeon with an allergy to bullshit
• don't stand a chance in life doing anything that doesn't involve purchasing a Mister Softee ice cream truck, but truly believe that one day you will run for mayor and win…

This book is for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Root for the Villain is for 0.0002% of the world's population and will probably sell like it. It's my first attempt at publishing a book after having my work published in bits and pieces over the years, so pardon me while I figure this out on the fly. More info and chapter previews coming soon! In the meantime, check out other rants, appreciation posts, and cheapshots at the world at large on my Ego Trip blog

SHANNON TWEED YOU GO ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF!

2011-06-15T10:24:00.000-07:00

GENE SIMMONS LIKE ALL MEN (EXCEPT FOR ICE T) IS A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SELFISH SHIT. SHANNON YOU GO ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF. FUCK HIM AND HIS NASTY JEW FRO HAIRPLUG HELMET AND HIS SHRIVELED UP BALLS. DO YOU GIRL DO YOU!

this was a good one

2011-06-07T16:30:00.000-07:00

I want your sex- Mrs Toon's online dating pics of the weak

2011-06-07T15:40:00.000-07:00

mrs toon's online dating pics of the weak

2011-06-04T11:28:00.000-07:00

why go to bars to pick up men when there is ONLINE DATING. FML X500

XOXO MRS TOON

kiss my bumper just kiss it

2011-06-04T11:26:00.000-07:00

Marry Me Leland!!!

2011-05-31T15:02:00.000-07:00

goddamn...i wanna be a part of this family so bad!

the O.G. Bobby Johnson of Senior Citizens!!

2011-05-25T21:39:00.000-07:00

ni nite bitches

2011-05-23T19:24:00.000-07:00

RIP - Snap into a Slim Jim oooooh yeah!

2011-05-22T21:39:00.000-07:00

Danny DeVito double feature night...his best shit

2011-05-15T20:41:00.000-07:00

MAN LOSES HIS SHIT ON THE 6 TRAIN WHEN HE HEARS ASHLEY LEFT NYC

2011-05-13T19:38:00.000-07:00

DAMN! wtf happened to u prince william?!

2011-04-22T15:24:00.000-07:00

kate can hav his royal ass...NEXT!

will moy on the modeling tip!!!!!! get the fuk outta the way tyson beckford...

2011-04-05T21:44:00.001-07:00

love letters

2011-03-24T15:25:00.000-07:00

John Paul Hennessy March 24 at 5:16am

you're fucking moving.
i'm pissed and i hate it and i love it and i'm happy for you.
but fuck you! let's hang out!
and chris, too. wtf.
call my ass or whatever and i better see you before you go.
i'm going to use my tears as lube and masturbate to how much i love you when you're gone...

the best shit...

2011-03-18T13:44:00.001-07:00

YES!!!

2011-03-18T13:43:00.001-07:00

me and my friends....

2011-03-15T13:13:00.000-07:00

important message from mike tyson...

2011-03-14T02:24:00.000-07:00

Message for the Bieber from RockLive on Vimeo.

Blossom Season 2

2011-03-03T12:22:00.000-08:00

fuk this happy bitch

i lov this weatherman!

2011-02-22T11:23:00.001-08:00

white trash rat tails

2011-02-17T09:33:00.000-08:00

don't ever cut that shit! rednecks and dirty lil redneck kids...why dude?!?

my brother and my god-son

2011-02-17T09:32:00.001-08:00

this is the best reality show ever!!!!!

2011-02-15T14:13:00.001-08:00

thats me in the intro....holdin the burrito

will u be my bloody valentine??

2011-02-14T11:03:00.001-08:00

work lyfe....

2011-02-10T11:14:00.000-08:00

jus eaaaaase it in....

2011-02-01T12:05:00.000-08:00

4 Eva

2011-01-26T09:17:00.000-08:00

damn homieee....wtf happened?????!!!!!!

2011-01-21T11:40:00.000-08:00

lover

2011-01-05T09:59:00.001-08:00

4 lyfe

2010-12-22T00:40:00.000-08:00

these youngsters know how to party

2010-12-14T09:56:00.001-08:00

wowoowow wowey. best bday party ever.

2010-12-12T21:19:00.001-08:00

who else can pull in jewey and will moy in the same room??

Happy Barfday to my BFF, Lourdes!

2010-12-08T23:08:00.000-08:00

jocks hav feelings too....

2010-12-07T06:14:00.000-08:00

ggg g g unit!

2010-11-27T19:34:00.000-08:00

I HAVE A DOLLAR BUT YOU DONT DESERVE IT BITCH

2010-11-16T21:03:00.000-08:00

YOUR PUSSY IS MAGIC BUT IT AINT AS MAGICAL AS MINE!

2010-11-16T20:33:00.001-08:00

WILL MOY WANTS YOUR TREASURY AND HE WANTS IT NOW. BUBBA WANT IT TOO

2010-11-16T20:15:00.000-08:00

Lover

2010-11-16T20:10:00.000-08:00

IM BACK BITCHES

2010-11-13T17:59:00.000-08:00

is this thing on

upgraded whip-its

2010-11-11T14:31:00.000-08:00

feels lik im walkin on the sunshineeee!

BEIBER FEVER IS THE SARS OF 2010

2010-11-09T12:28:00.000-08:00

this shit has given me nitemares for years!

2010-11-05T01:49:00.001-07:00

dude, pls get the fuck out of my dreams

Set For Lyfe....a 50 bone ticket!!

2010-11-03T21:06:00.000-07:00

bread...bread....cheddar...cheddar! my biggest win ever - 50 bucks....but i split the tix w a friend. so fuk it, i'll tak 25....rents due niggas. i've been steady playin Set for Lyfe since 2005. keep the dream alive!...this shit better com thru one day.

A Fine Dining Experience...at Poptart World

2010-11-02T22:34:00.000-07:00

too classy for u.

bunned up, not givin a fuk bout fat lyfe

2010-11-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

gross

my life sucks....

2010-11-02T12:18:00.000-07:00

9...10, never sleep again

2010-10-31T17:06:00.001-07:00

work lyfe....

2010-10-27T08:27:00.001-07:00

Conor Hogan says:
YO ashley, yo you got AIDS yo

Ashley Young says:
wtf

fuckin hipsters

2010-10-25T20:57:00.000-07:00

Zombie Mode

2010-10-25T20:40:00.001-07:00

wqui whqui whqooo chiiii (fast wind and whippin sound)

2010-10-23T13:18:00.000-07:00

Look-a-like

2010-10-21T11:29:00.000-07:00

IM BACK ON MY BLOG GAME!!!!!!

2010-10-19T20:46:00.001-07:00

SAY WHAT AGAIN....this shit is the best

2010-09-10T10:03:00.000-07:00

puppie on a boat!

2010-08-31T17:45:00.000-07:00

deal with this!

2010-08-25T04:58:00.001-07:00

Mondayyyyyyyyy

2010-08-23T20:32:00.000-07:00

Fatty Boom and I over slept.
A man in the elevator gave me a strange flower. I didn't have a vase at work....but I did have an almost empty bottle of jameson at my desk....tite.

look what u did u lil brat....

2010-08-22T20:56:00.000-07:00

life in outer space....cosmic lourdes and ashley

2010-08-10T04:09:00.000-07:00

fart lyfe...

2010-07-26T16:56:00.000-07:00

Hung out w/ chicks from the new Bad Girls Club...

2010-07-20T21:38:00.000-07:00

and got a RIP Corey Haim tat.

K. Posted opted for the sleep option.

2010-07-20T21:31:00.000-07:00

sleepy ass bitch

summer lyfe

2010-07-19T21:59:00.000-07:00

he could still get it....

2010-07-15T11:01:00.000-07:00

FTW

2010-07-08T11:46:00.001-07:00

this important company wide document was just sent out at work....

2010-07-07T15:03:00.000-07:00

shits bouta get serious in this office.

at work....fooseball tournament. NBD.

2010-07-06T13:48:00.000-07:00

damn Elian Gonzalez....

2010-07-01T10:57:00.000-07:00

10 years later...this lil scared cuban castaway is all grown up and lookin good! got the fresh shape-up and everything.

sleepy fatty baby

2010-07-01T02:15:00.000-07:00

blood brothers

2010-06-30T21:19:00.000-07:00

the dream team

2010-06-28T08:46:00.000-07:00

what i did at work today --- Cirque Du So Gay!!!

2010-06-24T21:07:00.001-07:00

the 2 things that are most prominent at my work are...the gays and the general consumption of alcohol. in honor of gay pride...800 ppl were fed alcohol while lady gaga was blastin on repeat. the party was fully equipped w drag queens......so fuckin tite. next level workin.

Heather fuckin Hogan!!!!

2010-06-22T22:08:00.000-07:00

2042....my life

2010-06-22T12:49:00.001-07:00

watchin this tonite....

2010-06-22T12:40:00.001-07:00

my life....

2010-06-18T00:45:00.001-07:00

twins

2010-06-15T17:15:00.001-07:00

painted k. posted's apt last nite....

2010-06-11T20:54:00.000-07:00

slammed billies and don julio then ended the nite by seein a suv flip over. there is no fear when there is alcohol. we pulled this chick out of her car that was upside down then i climbed through mad glass and into her car.....found the brake, put that joint in park and turned it off. shit was crazy. blackout heros.

kicked it with Paula Abdul today...no big deal

2010-06-11T20:52:00.000-07:00