But alas this book wasn't written yet when I was stupid teenager in the 90's with hopes and dreams.
So I had to learn the hard way like everyone that life after college sucks gigantic asshole and I will always be poor and miserable.
My friend Jay just wrote a book. He is a wise and wonderfully bitter man who also learned that life sucks gigantic balls. I used to be a big fan of his music when I was an underground hip hop nerd in college. Then I moved to NYC and ended up meeting him at a party the same night Ashley got her ass beat to a bloody pulp. We bonded over our hatred of people. Then one day his car got broken into outside of me and ashleys shitty apt in Bushwick and his project pat CD and tape deck got jacked to top it off. And then he made a song about it.
But all that aside peep this and def buy yourself a copy of "ROOT FOR THE VILLAIN: RAP, BULLSHIT, AND A CELEBRATION OF FAILURE"
by muthafuckin J-Zone
http://www.govillaingo.com/
I'll be publishing my first book, Root for the Villain: Rap, Bullshit, and a Celebration of Failure, this fall. Those who dug my grumpy old man tirades and general lampoonery from years past might enjoy this collection of curmudgeonly rants, hip-hop-inspired memoirs, humorous outlooks on failure, and think pieces on the general stupidity of the world at large in 2011.
If you:
• are over 30
• are a native New Yorker
• often wonder if men are the new women
• feel it's perfectly acceptable to wear a clip-on tie with Master P's face on it to a corporate job interview
• have a college degree that got you two choices in the real world: the broom or the mop
• had the opportunity to work with the legendary musical heroes of your childhood, then your broke ass got sued by one of them for copyright infringement
• stuck a fork in dating in America and are now looking into blow-up dolls due to their low maintenance, low noise level, and low cost (an air-body beats an airhead)
• were robbed for a fake gold chain in the early '90s
• had a music career that kind of went kaput, so you were forced to get a "real" job and fall back into "real world" protocol. It was then you learned that the hip-hop 401k does not exist. Better yet, nothing exists. The Baby Boomers took it all
• are sick of "couple accounts" on Facebook (Fellas, if you allow your girl to create one page for the both of you, her dick is bigger than yours. Furthermore, anyone over the age of 21 trying to "poke" me will be attacked with a Wiffle ball bat)
• still use a Walkman and collect records
• live with your hostile 87-year-old grandmother who passes gas 24/7, leaves her dentures on your bathroom sink, and disrupts pimpin' at the house
• were a hip-hop kid of the '90s and/or enjoy nostalgic music business stories from that era
• plan on entering the music business and want to read true accounts of how utterly dysfunctional and useless most of the people in it are
• are sick of hearing all this bourgeois "Eat, Pray, Love" bullshit on dates. I want NYC's crime rate to return to the 1990 statistics for a week; then you'll really be praying to travel someplace expensive to "find yourself". Shut the fuck up and stop whining
• hate incessant texting, emoticons, internet lingo from grown ass men and women (ROTFL, OMG and similar dreck), "Gadget Hoes", "Flash Hoes", and "Cosmo Hoes". (Note: If you come to the club solely to text all night or to ask me to take a picture of you and your raggedy bird-ass friends holding drinks, those last three terms apply to you)
• are a curmudgeon with an allergy to bullshit
• don't stand a chance in life doing anything that doesn't involve purchasing a Mister Softee ice cream truck, but truly believe that one day you will run for mayor and win…
This book is for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Root for the Villain is for 0.0002% of the world's population and will probably sell like it. It's my first attempt at publishing a book after having my work published in bits and pieces over the years, so pardon me while I figure this out on the fly. More info and chapter previews coming soon! In the meantime, check out other rants, appreciation posts, and cheapshots at the world at large on my Ego Trip blog
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